Posts tagged "*le random musings*"

You know what makes me fucking sad?

No one ever just wants to be my friend. Conversely, no one wants to date me either. Which leaves me in this constant state of limbo where I’m constantly two steps away from losing all of my friends because I’m just not interested in them in that way.

The worst part is all of the chicks because I’m not into girls and they all know that but assume because we’re friends shit will be different. Like no, if there was ever a person I only intended to be friends with, it was your ass.

I guess, I’m just destined to be mostly alone. *All the sighs*


My suicide note will probably be a collage. I’m fond of those. When I can fit the pieces together, just write and it’s beautiful. That’s what I’d like to leave behind. A piece of beauty, something meaningful. My suicide note will probably be a collage. Pieces of poetry by Jeanann Verlee and Edna St. Vincent Millay and Sylvia Plath taped and glued together with my sorrow. It will be tear drops and rose thorns and daisy petals and bat symbols and cake icing and eyeshadow and thread and M&Ms and footprints on a mirror. My suicide note will be the greatest thing I ever wrote and the saddest thing I’ve ever penned. It will be something that someone will remember, since they won’t remember me. It will probably end that I couldn’t stop the wind and I realized too late that I was the chimes.

They tell me count my blessings…

And I do…but the math don’t add up. I have racked up a mountain’s worth of misfortune I can’t possibly figure out how I’ve earned, and for all the good I try to do, I still have maybe one blessing for every 15 misfortune.

I’m tired of trying. Of being sad. Of being lonely. Of pushing myself to the brink of destruction to still end up fucked over. To still not ever get what I want. To still wonder what I’ve done to deserve the fuckery I have to put up with.

Everywhere I go I’m a prisoner. At work. At “home”. At my mother’s house. In my mind. I’m always stuck with no way to get out. Well, one way…

But I digress.

I’m supposed to be thankful that I have a job, but I don’t even have somewhere stable to live, and when I did I was just stuck in one bad situation or another. And now, I don’t even know why I bother. Why I keep pushing myself to work, when I never seem to have enough to get what I want or put my self in a better position.

In the past year, I had one thing I was looking forward to.
And I can’t have it. And there was no trade. It wasn’t like things got better here since I couldn’t go there. No, I’m here and nothing is working out, as before, but I can’t get away.

Why am I still here, breathing?
What have I done to deserve these things?

I don’t know.
But I’m tired.
And I’ve tried.

Between 1 and 2…

I’m going to impale myself and never come back over here ever again.
When I get my own place maaaaaaan…shit’s gon be different.

Selfish niggas really in here acting like some got damn 2 year olds….my 3 year old nephew got better manners than these 2.


I hate selfish, ungrateful, attitude having men.
They really blow me bruh, like no one, and I mean no one, but these niggas can be this got damn awful ALL the time.
Niggas don’t wanna pay for shit, but always want some.
Niggas don’t wanna hang out, but wanna stay in everybody’s face with their attitudes.
Niggas don’t wanna share shit, but wanna eat everybody else’s.
Niggas just wanna sit around and act like some damn babies when they don’t get their way, but don’t wanna get mad when someone else has feelings.
And I get so sick of it.
I always try my best to do for niggas but, not only do they not do the same, they wanna act entitled.

Them 2 that I am referring to are some damn children, and I’m sick of dealing with it. Especially since I’m the baby.

I find…

That I am on the brink of giving up.

My 8,000th post is for you, my bear

Even though I’m sure you’ve forgotten all about me.

I need out of here…

As soon as logically possible…
Or I’m going to lose it. 

Things I go all Nerdy for:

Donald Glover/ Childish Gambino
Alice in Wonderland
The Lord of the Rings Trilogy
The Hobbit
Anime and Mangas
The Immortals After Dark Series
The Lords of the Underworld Series
Any period drama with Keira Knightley in it (except for Atonement)
Marie Antoinette
King Henry VIII
Amy Winehouse
Sarah Dessen books
King Arthur
World of Warcraft
Sucker Punch (The Movie)
Regina Spektor
Cheese Steak Egg Rolls
Six Flags
List making
The Inkheart Trilogy
British female singers
Michelle Rodriguez
My Apple 

Why does Donald Glover have his own spot on my blog?

Cuz i am SOOOOO gonna marry him some day.

{But then we’ll get divorced and I’ll be sad and bitter….
Kinda like I am now…
I have awful daydreams…} 


The video is going to come…really…really…really…a lot later…cuz my roommate came home, but be patient. It’s a-coming.

This blog will probably end up getting neglected again…

Because, although this blog is more fun, they love me like a bajillion and 7 times more on the other blog.

Conundrums anyone?

Speaking of zombies…

Actually nobody was speaking of zombies, but profoundfuckery has returned from the dead.

…in case anyone cared…

Alright…going back to eye raping Donald Glover.